Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize