I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
