I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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