People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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