She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
and she was petting her beer can
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
