Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
