Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize