I accidentally had phone sex last night
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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