so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
sex in a hospital.. check
Brb crying the tears of my youth
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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