That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
