Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize