I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
