I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
