but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
