my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Is it penis luge time yet?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
