then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
