I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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