We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
How does one acquire holy water?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize