The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
