does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
