I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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