That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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