so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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