No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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