Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
