she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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