Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
