My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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