Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
