I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It's never too late to be topless.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
