dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
