I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
