you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
