Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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