how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
