Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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