i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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