i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
