Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
