8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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