whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
