how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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