I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
