either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
