Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
