Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
