this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
