A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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