No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
