***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
