Me too!
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Randomize
