1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize