dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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