im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
