When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
