Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
