Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
