I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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