I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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