Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
