I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
