something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
