Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
