Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
