He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
