I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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