Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
