And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
