Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
