sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
