I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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